apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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