Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
