There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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