one might say we're banned from that church
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
