omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she peed on how many people?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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