Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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