Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
