I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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