she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
