apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
