You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
