dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you never un-have a 4some
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
