Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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