pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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