I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
