How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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