would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
