my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
