i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
