me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
