I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
