I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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