What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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