I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
