this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
