so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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