No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
