you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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