You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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