he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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