That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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