I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
