I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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