This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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