did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
