what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
