It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
