Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
