I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
