why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My ass is underappreciated
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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