Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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