very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
