Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
