allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
