My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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