Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
