Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
