you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
