ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
4 words: hood of his car
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
