Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
be right there i have to get my cape
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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