I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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