Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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