yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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