he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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