I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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