I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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