Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
