her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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